The proper focus!

I have been neglecting this blog for no better reason than that I've just been busy with life. Preparing to move to Korea, talking an online TEFL course, and impending minor surgery, job searching, church obligations, life obligations, etc, etc, etc...

But one of the things that makes my life so busy is that I've been working out at the gym for 5 weeks now. Tomorrow (or should I say today since it's after 1am) will begin my 6th week. This is huge for me! No, I haven't lost those 15 pounds yet. More like 5, but I have lost inches, gained some muscle and am doing my heart a huge favor. I have been eating breakfast every morning (huge again for me) and I've been constantly exceeding my exercise goals. And surprisingly, I've been having fun! But most importantly, I'm doing this to honor my God. My focus is right. By my own effort I fail, but God in his mercy lifts me and gives me the strength to stick with this. Many times while I exercise, I put on my favorite songs and worship God. It's phenomenal and most enjoyable!

Now I should head off to bed so that I can get up to exercises tomorrow!

The Return

I have successfully gained back the 15 lbs I lost last year. You see that? I used the word success to make it sound better but in reality it was a failure. I admit that life got busy and I resumed some of my bad habits all the while justifying it by saying that it's not as bad as before.

The cool thing is that God is still working with me, convicting me, forgiving me, and helping me to see overeating for what it is...sin. All is not lost. My focus is back on Christ and he will give me the strength to do what I need to do.

Let's go!

So...it's been awhile...

Basically I've been struggling with consistency in eating and exercising. I haven't been very disciplined lately and I am in no means on the right track.

Transformation first begins with repentance.

"Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion; it
haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight."
-Psalm 51:1-4a

Time to get back on track. As my heart has been connecting with God more and seeking him out this past month with studying the 12 spiritual disciplines, I realize that I need to continue to honor him with my body, and that includes not using food for emotional comfort. Easy to forget when I'm traveling, frustrated, or going out to eat with friends who are moving away. May was a hard month. It seems like an overwhelming task to continue eating right and adjust my lifestyle again, but with God, all things are possible. As I was reading in Psalm 51 today, one verse really stuck out to me.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey
you" Psalm 51:12

Lord, this is my prayer. Give me joy in you, and help me to be willing to obey you, especially in the areas of eating and laziness. Amen.

Success!

Easter has come and gone and I did not stuff myself like a piñata! This is huge for me! A few weeks ago God convicted me about how I was not spending time with him. I had been avoiding the scales for awhile too so finally I got on them and realized that when my focus was off of God, so was my desire to please him and fill up on him rather than overeating. And I had gained a few pounds. He brought me to the place of repentance and I now have been fighting hard to spend time with him everyday and continue to stay active. He finally got me back on track 2 weeks ago and it's been going well! Easter was a big test, as there was much food and desire to eat all of it. Instead I ate just enough and felt really good.

Praise God!

Day 60 - Testimony

Read my testimony below:

Emotional eating is something I have struggled with since I was young. When I celebrated with family and friends, I ate. When I was alone, I ate. When I was happy, sad, stressed or bored, I ate. After doing the Way of Purity course and seeing God eradicate that sin in my life, he showed me that I next needed to turn away from the sin of gluttony/overeating. I began The Lord's Table because I wanted to desire God more and learn to get rid of habitual sin that I had grown used to over the years. In this case, it was overeating.

Diets have never worked for me. I was not very disciplined and also it didn't fix the issues at heart. Diets always contradicted each other so I never bothered with them much. Instead of giving the glory to God, they tell us to work hard to 'fix' ourselves on our own and take all of the credit for ourselves. When I began this course, my focus was on myself and what I wanted to look like. I was nervous coming to The Lord's Table because I had failed with trying to lose weight in the past and was afraid I would fail here too. That was the problem. I was looking to myself instead of to God for the power to overcome sin. Through reading the Bible, praying, and doing the studies, God has shown me that I was using food as an idol. I looked to food to satisfy me instead of to Him. I was also guilty of the sin of laziness. I tried exercising many times, but because the weight didn't drop off as fast as I liked, I usually gave up soon.

When I first began The Lord's Table I had a hard time understanding that overeating is a sin. I didn't think it was good, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. That's how deep the sin was. Thankfully, over time, God granted me true repentance and helped me to see the sin through his eyes. This course was amazing because it helped me keep focus on God, really understand my sin, and find satisfaction in God. I was very encouraged by the lessons and by the testimonies and I am thankful for my mentor who was able to relate to my struggles and encourage because she had dealt with this sin as well. I confess that on the first day I was quite overwhelmed by the prospect of doing this study. It seemed that I would have to change for real, and I guess my sinful flesh did not like this prospect. The cool thing is that God guided me through it all and gave me the energy and desire to push forward in discipline and grow closer to him. I was very blessed to have my sister and mom doing The Lord's Table alongside me and we were able to encourage each other.

God has really shown me that I need to fight to spend time with him instead of letting the busyness of life distract me from Him. Staying in his word and growing in relationship with God is the only way I will ever be able to stay focused on him and not fall back into habitual sin. It's more than just something I should do as a 'good Christian'. It's what I NEED to survive this world. After completing this course I am so much closer to God and able to do more for those around me. I enjoy exercising and I look forward to my time with God. At meals I am able to enjoy God's blessing of food so much more, without needing to overeat. I have so much energy now and the weight continues to come off. But most importantly, I have a deeper relationship with God. Thank you Lord, for the amazing things you are doing in my life!

Day 53 - Fast Day

This a quote from Max Lucado that I read today that I thought was really good, especially in regards to the food issue.

...Your heart is a fertile greenhouse ready to produce good fruit. Your mind is the doorway to your heart—the strategic place where you determine which seeds are sown and which seeds are discarded. The Holy Spirit is ready to help you manage and filter the thoughts that try to enter. He can help you guard you heart. He stands with you on the threshold. A thought approaches, a questionable thought. Do you throw open the door and let it enter? Of course not. You 'fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ' (2 Cor. 10:5, Phillips).

You don’t leave the door unguarded. You stand equipped with handcuffs and leg irons, ready to capture any thought not fit to enter. For the sake of discussion, let's say a thought regarding your personal value approaches. With all the cockiness of a neighborhood bully, the thought swaggers up to the door and says, 'You're a loser. All your life you've been a loser. You've blown relationships and jobs and ambitions. You might as well write the word bum on your resume, for that is what you are.'

The ordinary person would throw open the door and let the thought in. Like a seed from a weed, it would find fertile soil and take root and bear thorns of inferiority. The average person would say, 'You're right, I'm a bum. Come on in.' But as a Christian, you aren't your average person. You are led by the Spirit. So rather than let the thought in, you take it captive. You handcuff it and march it down the street to the courthouse where you present the thought before the judgment seat of Christ. 'Jesus, this thought says I’m a bum and a loser and that I’ll never amount to anything. What do you think?' See what you are doing? You are submitting the thought to the authority of Jesus. If Jesus agrees with the thought, then let it in. If not, kick it out. In this case Jesus disagrees.

How do you know if Jesus agrees or disagrees? You open your Bible. What does God think about you? Eph. 2:10 is a good place to check: 'For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do' (NIV). Or how about Romans 8:1: 'There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus' (NIV)? Obviously any thought that says you are inferior or insignificant does not pass the test - and does not gain entrance. You have the right to give the bully a firm kick in the pants and watch him run.

Let’s take another example. The first thought was a bully; this next thought is a groupie. She comes not to tell you how bad you are but how good you are. She rushes to the doorway and gushes, 'You are so good. You are so wonderful. The world is so lucky to have you,' and on and on the groupie grovels. Typically this is the type of thought you’d welcome. But you don’t do things the typical way. You guard your heart. You walk in the Spirit. And you take every thought captive. So once again you go to Jesus. You submit this thought to the authority of Christ. As you unsheathe the sword of the Spirit, his Word, you learn that pride doesn’t please God. 'Don’t cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance' (Rom. 12:3, Phillips). 'The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ is my only reason for bragging' (Gal. 6:14). As much as you’d
like to welcome this thought of conceit into the greenhouse, you can’t. You only allow what Christ allows.

One more example. This time the thought is not one of criticism or flattery but one of temptation. If you’re a man, the thought is dressed in flashy red. If you’re a female, the thought is the hunk you’ve always wanted. There is the brush of the hand, the fragrance in the air, and invitation. 'Come on, it’s all right. We’re consenting adults.'
What do you do? Well, if you aren’t under the authority of Christ, you throw open the door.

But if you have the mind of Christ, you step back and say, 'Not so fast. You’ll have to get permission from big brother.' So you take this steamy act before Jesus and ask, 'Yes or no?' Nowhere does he answer more clearly than in I Corinthians 6 and 7: 'we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever.... Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly--but only with a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them' (6:18; 7:1-2, MSG). Now armed with opinion of Christ and the sword of the Spirit, what do you do? Well, if the tempter is not your spouse, close the door. If the invitation is from your spouse, then HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA.

The point is this. Guard the doorway of your heart. Submit your thoughts to the authority of Christ. The more selective you are about seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop."

— from Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado, Word Publishing 1998, pp. 177-182

Day 44 - Freedom in Passion - Liquid Day

Indescribable by Beckah Shae

I see You in the rain, like crystal glistening
I see You in the Son, like a fire blazing
I look up into the sky at night and see Your Glory
I’m humbled by a newborn babies cry
So pure, You are Holy!

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

I see You in the ocean
Your love is overflowing
I see You in the trees
dancing to the wind’s melody
I look up to the mountains
where the rocks cry
and I see Your face
I’m taken by a rainbow in the sky
cause it reminds me that I am safe

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

All heaven and earth
declare Your glory everywhere
Baruch shem kivod leolam va’ed
(Blessed be His glorious majestyforever and ever )
None could compare
All creation cries out Your name
for Your worthy of all praise
Barukh attah adonaimelekh m’hulal batishbachot.
(Blessed are You, Lorda King to be praised in adoration.)
You’re amazing

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful