So...it's been awhile...

Basically I've been struggling with consistency in eating and exercising. I haven't been very disciplined lately and I am in no means on the right track.

Transformation first begins with repentance.

"Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion; it
haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight."
-Psalm 51:1-4a

Time to get back on track. As my heart has been connecting with God more and seeking him out this past month with studying the 12 spiritual disciplines, I realize that I need to continue to honor him with my body, and that includes not using food for emotional comfort. Easy to forget when I'm traveling, frustrated, or going out to eat with friends who are moving away. May was a hard month. It seems like an overwhelming task to continue eating right and adjust my lifestyle again, but with God, all things are possible. As I was reading in Psalm 51 today, one verse really stuck out to me.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey
you" Psalm 51:12

Lord, this is my prayer. Give me joy in you, and help me to be willing to obey you, especially in the areas of eating and laziness. Amen.

Success!

Easter has come and gone and I did not stuff myself like a piñata! This is huge for me! A few weeks ago God convicted me about how I was not spending time with him. I had been avoiding the scales for awhile too so finally I got on them and realized that when my focus was off of God, so was my desire to please him and fill up on him rather than overeating. And I had gained a few pounds. He brought me to the place of repentance and I now have been fighting hard to spend time with him everyday and continue to stay active. He finally got me back on track 2 weeks ago and it's been going well! Easter was a big test, as there was much food and desire to eat all of it. Instead I ate just enough and felt really good.

Praise God!

Day 60 - Testimony

Read my testimony below:

Emotional eating is something I have struggled with since I was young. When I celebrated with family and friends, I ate. When I was alone, I ate. When I was happy, sad, stressed or bored, I ate. After doing the Way of Purity course and seeing God eradicate that sin in my life, he showed me that I next needed to turn away from the sin of gluttony/overeating. I began The Lord's Table because I wanted to desire God more and learn to get rid of habitual sin that I had grown used to over the years. In this case, it was overeating.

Diets have never worked for me. I was not very disciplined and also it didn't fix the issues at heart. Diets always contradicted each other so I never bothered with them much. Instead of giving the glory to God, they tell us to work hard to 'fix' ourselves on our own and take all of the credit for ourselves. When I began this course, my focus was on myself and what I wanted to look like. I was nervous coming to The Lord's Table because I had failed with trying to lose weight in the past and was afraid I would fail here too. That was the problem. I was looking to myself instead of to God for the power to overcome sin. Through reading the Bible, praying, and doing the studies, God has shown me that I was using food as an idol. I looked to food to satisfy me instead of to Him. I was also guilty of the sin of laziness. I tried exercising many times, but because the weight didn't drop off as fast as I liked, I usually gave up soon.

When I first began The Lord's Table I had a hard time understanding that overeating is a sin. I didn't think it was good, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. That's how deep the sin was. Thankfully, over time, God granted me true repentance and helped me to see the sin through his eyes. This course was amazing because it helped me keep focus on God, really understand my sin, and find satisfaction in God. I was very encouraged by the lessons and by the testimonies and I am thankful for my mentor who was able to relate to my struggles and encourage because she had dealt with this sin as well. I confess that on the first day I was quite overwhelmed by the prospect of doing this study. It seemed that I would have to change for real, and I guess my sinful flesh did not like this prospect. The cool thing is that God guided me through it all and gave me the energy and desire to push forward in discipline and grow closer to him. I was very blessed to have my sister and mom doing The Lord's Table alongside me and we were able to encourage each other.

God has really shown me that I need to fight to spend time with him instead of letting the busyness of life distract me from Him. Staying in his word and growing in relationship with God is the only way I will ever be able to stay focused on him and not fall back into habitual sin. It's more than just something I should do as a 'good Christian'. It's what I NEED to survive this world. After completing this course I am so much closer to God and able to do more for those around me. I enjoy exercising and I look forward to my time with God. At meals I am able to enjoy God's blessing of food so much more, without needing to overeat. I have so much energy now and the weight continues to come off. But most importantly, I have a deeper relationship with God. Thank you Lord, for the amazing things you are doing in my life!

Day 53 - Fast Day

This a quote from Max Lucado that I read today that I thought was really good, especially in regards to the food issue.

...Your heart is a fertile greenhouse ready to produce good fruit. Your mind is the doorway to your heart—the strategic place where you determine which seeds are sown and which seeds are discarded. The Holy Spirit is ready to help you manage and filter the thoughts that try to enter. He can help you guard you heart. He stands with you on the threshold. A thought approaches, a questionable thought. Do you throw open the door and let it enter? Of course not. You 'fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ' (2 Cor. 10:5, Phillips).

You don’t leave the door unguarded. You stand equipped with handcuffs and leg irons, ready to capture any thought not fit to enter. For the sake of discussion, let's say a thought regarding your personal value approaches. With all the cockiness of a neighborhood bully, the thought swaggers up to the door and says, 'You're a loser. All your life you've been a loser. You've blown relationships and jobs and ambitions. You might as well write the word bum on your resume, for that is what you are.'

The ordinary person would throw open the door and let the thought in. Like a seed from a weed, it would find fertile soil and take root and bear thorns of inferiority. The average person would say, 'You're right, I'm a bum. Come on in.' But as a Christian, you aren't your average person. You are led by the Spirit. So rather than let the thought in, you take it captive. You handcuff it and march it down the street to the courthouse where you present the thought before the judgment seat of Christ. 'Jesus, this thought says I’m a bum and a loser and that I’ll never amount to anything. What do you think?' See what you are doing? You are submitting the thought to the authority of Jesus. If Jesus agrees with the thought, then let it in. If not, kick it out. In this case Jesus disagrees.

How do you know if Jesus agrees or disagrees? You open your Bible. What does God think about you? Eph. 2:10 is a good place to check: 'For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do' (NIV). Or how about Romans 8:1: 'There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus' (NIV)? Obviously any thought that says you are inferior or insignificant does not pass the test - and does not gain entrance. You have the right to give the bully a firm kick in the pants and watch him run.

Let’s take another example. The first thought was a bully; this next thought is a groupie. She comes not to tell you how bad you are but how good you are. She rushes to the doorway and gushes, 'You are so good. You are so wonderful. The world is so lucky to have you,' and on and on the groupie grovels. Typically this is the type of thought you’d welcome. But you don’t do things the typical way. You guard your heart. You walk in the Spirit. And you take every thought captive. So once again you go to Jesus. You submit this thought to the authority of Christ. As you unsheathe the sword of the Spirit, his Word, you learn that pride doesn’t please God. 'Don’t cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance' (Rom. 12:3, Phillips). 'The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ is my only reason for bragging' (Gal. 6:14). As much as you’d
like to welcome this thought of conceit into the greenhouse, you can’t. You only allow what Christ allows.

One more example. This time the thought is not one of criticism or flattery but one of temptation. If you’re a man, the thought is dressed in flashy red. If you’re a female, the thought is the hunk you’ve always wanted. There is the brush of the hand, the fragrance in the air, and invitation. 'Come on, it’s all right. We’re consenting adults.'
What do you do? Well, if you aren’t under the authority of Christ, you throw open the door.

But if you have the mind of Christ, you step back and say, 'Not so fast. You’ll have to get permission from big brother.' So you take this steamy act before Jesus and ask, 'Yes or no?' Nowhere does he answer more clearly than in I Corinthians 6 and 7: 'we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever.... Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly--but only with a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them' (6:18; 7:1-2, MSG). Now armed with opinion of Christ and the sword of the Spirit, what do you do? Well, if the tempter is not your spouse, close the door. If the invitation is from your spouse, then HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA.

The point is this. Guard the doorway of your heart. Submit your thoughts to the authority of Christ. The more selective you are about seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop."

— from Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado, Word Publishing 1998, pp. 177-182

Day 44 - Freedom in Passion - Liquid Day

Indescribable by Beckah Shae

I see You in the rain, like crystal glistening
I see You in the Son, like a fire blazing
I look up into the sky at night and see Your Glory
I’m humbled by a newborn babies cry
So pure, You are Holy!

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

I see You in the ocean
Your love is overflowing
I see You in the trees
dancing to the wind’s melody
I look up to the mountains
where the rocks cry
and I see Your face
I’m taken by a rainbow in the sky
cause it reminds me that I am safe

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

All heaven and earth
declare Your glory everywhere
Baruch shem kivod leolam va’ed
(Blessed be His glorious majestyforever and ever )
None could compare
All creation cries out Your name
for Your worthy of all praise
Barukh attah adonaimelekh m’hulal batishbachot.
(Blessed are You, Lorda King to be praised in adoration.)
You’re amazing

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

There’s no other way to better say
Halleluiah! You’re Indescribable
Heaven and earth proclaim the glory of Your name,
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful
Master, Creator, God Halleluiah! Your indescribable
Awestruck by who You are
Halleluiah! You are so wonderful

Day 30 - The Discontented Heart - Liquid Day

Below just says it all. Half way done and God is doing great things!

Numbers 11
The People Complain to Moses
11 Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord heard everything they said. Then the Lord’s anger blazed against them, and he sent a fire to rage among them, and he destroyed some of the people in the outskirts of the camp. 2 Then the people screamed to Moses for help, and when he prayed to the Lord, the fire stopped. 3 After that, the area was known as Taberah (which means "the place of burning"), because fire from the Lord had burned among them there. 4 Then the foreign rabble who were traveling with the Israelites began to crave the good things of Egypt. And the people of Israel also began to complain. "Oh, for some meat!" they exclaimed. 5 "We remember the fish we used to eat for free in Egypt. And we had all the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic we wanted. 6 But now our appetites are gone. All we ever see is this manna!" 7 The manna looked like small coriander seeds, and it was pale yellow like gum resin. 8 The people would go out and gather it from the ground. They made flour by grinding it with hand mills or pounding it in mortars. Then they boiled it in a pot and made it into flat cakes. These cakes tasted like pastries baked with olive oil. 9 The manna came down on the camp with the dew during the night. 10 Moses heard all the families standing in the doorways of their tents whining, and the Lord became extremely angry. Moses was also very aggravated. 11 And Moses said to the Lord, "Why are you treating me, your servant, so harshly? Have mercy on me! What did I do to deserve the burden of all these people? 12 Did I give birth to them? Did I bring them into the world? Why did you tell me to carry them in my arms like a mother carries a nursing baby? How can I carry them to the land you swore to give their ancestors? 13 Where am I supposed to get meat for all these people? They keep whining to me, saying, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ 14 I can’t carry all these people by myself! The load is far too heavy! 15 If this is how you intend to treat me, just go ahead and kill me. Do me a favor and spare me this misery!"

Moses Chooses Seventy Leaders
16 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Gather before me seventy men who are recognized as elders and leaders of Israel. Bring them to the Tabernacle* to stand there with you. 17 I will come down and talk to you there. I will take some of the Spirit that is upon you, and I will put the Spirit upon them also. They will bear the burden of the people along with you, so you will not have to carry it alone. 18 "And say to the people, ‘Purify yourselves, for tomorrow you will have meat to eat. You were whining, and the Lord heard you when you cried, "Oh, for some meat! We were better off in Egypt!" Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. 19 And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. 20 You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, "Why did we ever leave Egypt?" ’ " 21 But Moses responded to the Lord, "There are 600,000 foot soldiers here with me, and yet you say, ‘I will give them meat for a whole month!’ 22 Even if we butchered all our flocks and herds, would that satisfy them? Even if we caught all the fish in the sea, would that be enough?" 23 Then the Lord said to Moses, "Has my arm lost its power? Now you will see whether or not my word comes true!" 24 So Moses went out and reported the Lord’s words to the people. He gathered the seventy elders and stationed them around the Tabernacle.* 25 And the Lord came down in the cloud and spoke to Moses. Then he gave the seventy elders the same Spirit that was upon Moses. And when the Spirit rested upon them, they prophesied. But this never happened again. 26 Two men, Eldad and Medad, had stayed behind in the camp. They were listed among the elders, but they had not gone out to the Tabernacle. Yet the Spirit rested upon them as well, so they prophesied there in the camp. 27 A young man ran and reported to Moses, "Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp!"
28 Joshua son of Nun, who had been Moses’ assistant since his youth, protested, "Moses, my master, make them stop!" 29 But Moses replied, "Are you jealous for my sake? I wish that all the Lord’s people were prophets and that the Lord would put his Spirit upon them all!" 30 Then Moses returned to the camp with the elders of Israel.

The Lord Sends Quail
31 Now the Lord sent a wind that brought quail from the sea and let them fall all around the camp. For miles in every direction there were quail flying about three feet above the ground.* 32 So the people went out and caught quail all that day and throughout the night and all the next day, too. No one gathered less than fifty bushels* ! They spread the quail all around the camp to dry. 33 But while they were gorging themselves on the meat—while it was still in their mouths—the anger of the Lord blazed against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. 34 So that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah (which means "graves of gluttony") because there they buried the people who had craved meat from Egypt. 35 From Kibroth-hattaavah the Israelites traveled to Hazeroth, where they stayed for some time.

I am discontented with my life. A discontented heart is a big part of the problem with my overeating. I see it in my life. I have not been content with a lot in my life for many years now. I know it's wrong to be discontented with what God has given us and where he has put us, but I've still been struggling with it. At the beginning of this lesson, I actually read the whole chapter of Numbers 11 to understand what was going on. The illustration of the Israelites annoyed me and frustrated me. I could understand some of what God was feeling at that time. And then the lesson went on to talk about my discontentment. I couldn't even pretend to deny that I am discontent. God was speaking directly to me. In my discontentment, it's like I rejected the manna that God has provided, thinking I knew better and desiring something more. That's like a slap in the face to God and I didn't know. I'm not going to pretend that from now on I'm going to be content. This is something that God is changing in my heart, but I think I've finally hit that 'repentance' that I've been praying for. God has granted it to me. I can barely type because I'm still crying. It's good to understand how I've hurt God, but I know this won't be an overnight thing. The big thing that God has to work on in my life is discontentment. It's at the root of many of my struggles. Please pray that I will be open to what God is showing me and would learn to be content.

Day 27 - Living by the Spirit - Half Day

I am doing well today. I've finished my second week of exercising 5 times a week. I take a break on the weekends. I am excited that I'm actually enjoying exercise. This is showing how much God is showing me.

Today's lesson about living by the spirit was good. This passage just says it all.

Living by the Spirit’s Power
"16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses. 19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another." -Galatians 5:16–26

Day 25 - Greatness of God - Fasting Day

Yesterday I discovered that exercising is so much funner for me if I made up my own workout and danced to Indian music. From all of the workouts I've done, it wasn't too hard. What a workout! I couldn't stop because I was having sooooo much fun. Who knew? Some people like to run. Some like to swim. I like to do Indian dances. This is my second week of working out 5 times a week. The scale's not much of a help so I've decided to only look at it once a week. Also, building muscle sometimes adds weight. So far I've lost about 7 pounds since day 1. Eating is going very well with me only slipping once this week by overeating at a restaurant. God convicted me and helped me to obey him right away. Since I'm eating less my stomach is smaller so even eating less than I normally would in the past is too much food for me. Now I'm beginning with eating half a meal and waiting some time before deciding to eat more. It's hard listening to my body to know when it's satisfied. I feel better. I feel more energetic. And when I do my freestyle Indian dances, it's so good for my spirit too. The first time I did it yesterday I couldn't stop praising God for the ability to have so much fun dancing.

Praise God you are doing wonderful things. Today is a fast day and it has been going so well. Thank you Lord!
___________

Today's Lesson was about the Greatness of God (Isaiah 40). God is so amazing! How can I put myself above him? I can see how foolish it is to try to tell God what to do or to try to put something or someone above him. No one else deserves the praise and awe and fear of God. No one and nothing else is qualified to be put above him. God is powerful. God is willing to give us strength. God is loving and caring and tender. God is vast and unable to fully grasp. God desires my praise and trust of him. God has no equal. God is completely in control of every detail. God is wise and all knowing. God is creator of all. At the end of the lesson, when asked how knowing God's greatness will affect my life I wrote:

It puts things back in perspective for me. First of all, it puts me in my place. I am insignificant compared to God. Whatever false ideas and thoughts that I have of my own greatness and worthiness are wrong. Living to please my flesh and putting myself before God is ridiculous. Second, it shows me that God is bigger than my sin. I often think I won't make it. That maybe my sin is just too deeply embedded in my heart and I'm just trapped. God is showing me that he is more than capable of freeing me from my sin and that nothing is too big for him. Finally, this just all shows me the greatness of God and why he's worthy to be praised and worthy to be number one in my life.

This song by Gungor really spoke to me today and does a great job of describing how amazing God is.

Day 19 - Setting Captives Free II - Normal Day

Wow. After reading so many people's testimonies and doing the lessons each day, I'm realizing that a lot of people have been in the same boat that I'm in. It's not easy changing your eating habits and turning to the Lord for comfort instead of food. I never really thought of over eating as a sin. So many people do it in our country. It's widely accepted. You can't even go out to eat and not get portion sizes that are way too big. I even heard that Starbucks is adding a new larger size to their menu because 'Vente' wasn't big enough for some people. I don't even understand how people can get a 'Grande' size of any drink at Starbucks. It's just ridiculous.

This world is messed up. I've been blinded by so many things and I'm just so glad that God is showing me the truth.

Day 16 -Temptation - liquid day

I'm doing pretty well. Lost about 5 or 6 pounds since beginning this. Exciting. Today's lesson was about temptation and how and when we are tempted. We were looking at Luke 4:1–13. Satan often wants us to doubt our relationship with God and rely on ourselves. I have definitely seen this in my life. Here's some good stuff that was in today's lesson:

The devil tempted Jesus to presume upon the promises of God. We presume upon the promises of God when we purposely sin while clinging to a promise of God. If Jesus had purposely sinned by throwing Himself down from the temple, He would have been testing God’s promise to not let Him fall. This has direct application to us who are involved in sinful eating habits. If I purposely overeat while claiming God's promise to forgive sin, I am testing God. It's the same as praying, "God, please forgive me for this sin I am about to commit,"—it presumes upon God's grace. This is an important principle. The devil will throw all kinds of Scripture our way to get us to sin against God by giving in to our flesh. "I will forgive your sins, and remember your wickedness no more," "All manner of sin and blasphemy will be forgiven among men," "Nothing can separate us from the love of God," "The evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing," "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins," and so on. So how do we know when it is the devil using Scripture? If a Scripture is being used to lure us into sin, it is coming from the evil one.

It's interesting that one of the three major temptations Jesus underwent was food-related. We experience this temptation every day. Each time we sit down to a meal, we are presented with the temptation to gratify our lusts by overeating. Each time we eat when we are not hungry, we are trying to fill a void that only God is able to fill.
How do we win against these temptations? We win the same way Jesus did: by humble dependence upon God to meet our need for fullness, by resisting the onslaughts of temptation, and by feeding upon every Word of God and obeying what we read.

Good lesson today. Also, I was able to get up and workout even though I really didn't feel like it. For me, that's a big thing. I can work out when I feel like it, but I have a harder struggle with it when I'd rather just go back to sleep. I feel pretty good. :)

I can't wait till tonight when I get to eat the pumpkin bread that I made last night!

Day 12 - Repentance Brings Refreshment - Normal Day

Today was a great day. So much better than yesterday. I don't know what was wrong with me, but God is amazing. I don't have much to say today except for a quote from the Setting Captives Free Website that really spoke to me.

Overeating is a sin for the following reasons:

Whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we are to do to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). God is not glorified when we evidence a lack of self control in our eating habits. My body is the temple of God (1 Corinthians 3:17, 6:19). The temple of God is not to be destroyed or defiled. Overeating or other sinful eating habits defiles the temple and if continued in can lead to its early destruction. Sinning leads to slavery (John 8:34). Overeating, like any sin, becomes addictive and can be extremely hard to overcome. Jesus told us to take up our cross daily (Luke 9:23) and Paul told us to crucify the desires of the flesh (Romans 8:13, Colossians 3:5).

To overeat is to gratify the cravings of the flesh, rather than to crucify them. This is sin. This is not to say that it's a sin to eat when hungry. The sin of gluttony is the habit of overeating. Food is not evil, and eating is not a sin. There are many passages of Scripture which speak of the sin of gluttony; the Bible instructs us to avoid the path of the glutton (Proverbs 23:20-21) and to "put a knife to our throat" if we are given to gluttony (Proverbs 23:2). (The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gluttony as "excess eating.")

Day 11 - Fasting and Repentance

Today's another fast day. It began great with worship and prayer to God. And then I started working on my lesson for the day and I felt really tired all of a sudden. Then I felt really hungry. Then I felt like a hopeless person who has selfish motives. Then I wanted to cry. Then I wanted to fight the spiritual warfare that was taking over me. Then I finished the lesson. It was about repentance and what that really is; Being heart broken over sin, and turning away from it to turn to God. Good lesson, but it took me quite a while to do. I like that it quoted someone today and he said: Man cannot repent when he chooses; repentance is a gift of God.' True repentance is something I struggle with, as I'm sure we all do. I often think that 'I' can choose to repent and make myself change. I'm learning that repentance isn't just feeling sorry for what I've done. It's feeling sorry AND turning away from it. This is my prayer, that I would trust God with every part of me and that he would help me to repent.

I'm still feeling a little drained and down now, like I've cried for hours, yet I didn't. The war inside is a frightening thing.

Lord be with me.

"Seek the Lord while you can find him.
Call on him now while he is near.
Let the wicked change their ways
and banish the very thought of doing
wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on
them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously." Isaiah
55:6–7

"Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash
your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between
God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be
sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom
instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in
honor." James 4:8–10

Days 5, 6, 7

Well, I've done it. Or rather, God's done it. I have been doing this for a whole week so far. The first few weeks are usually the hardest so, here's to one week down and 5 more to go. Here's what I've learned:

Day 5 - Food is Not the Problem

So this was an amazing day. Apparently, all of our focus on what type of food we eat and what diet to do is basically useless. Some diets say only eat meat. Some say only eat carbs. Some say only eat veggies. Some say drink a shake and others to take a pill. They all contradict each other. This is why I have never really fallen for most diets. It seemed to me like people who went on diets all the time had to keep going on diets because as soon as they got off of a diet, they gained the weight back and more. I didn't want that to happen. Also, I had a hard time believing that I could ever actually give up all of my much beloved foods, including meat and bread and chocolate. It also seemed that every diet claiming to be healthy wanted you to buy their food products! No offense, but I don't want to eat Atkins bars, South Beach Diet drinks, Weight Watchers foods, and Jenny Craigs meals for the rest of my life! With the whole natural and organic craze still going around in full force, I always wondered what it was all for? Why should I drink a green concoction of grass tasting disgustingness to boost my vitamins? Why can't I just eat normal food in moderation. I don't want a temporary fix. I want a life-changing solution!

Then I did this lesson.

"It's also important to test our assumptions in the area of food and weight loss issues. Most diet "experts" tell us that, if we are overweight, the problem is in the type of food we've been eating. To correct the problem, they tell us, we need to avoid "wrong" foods and begin eating "right" foods. They insist that the problem is with the food. But let's "test our assumptions" in this area...While we respect these experts' education, we must disagree with their conclusions. If we're overweight, food is not the problem! And if food is not the problem, changing the types of food we eat is not the solution. These diet-craze gurus have missed the boat, and are actually contributing to the problem, rather than providing a proper solution." -SCF

Two of my favorite verses from this day are:

"You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, 21 "Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!"? 22 Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. 23 These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires" - Colossians 2:20–23

"Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. 2 These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead. 3 They will say it is wrong to be married and wrong to eat certain foods. But God created those foods to be eaten with thanks by faithful people who know the truth. 4 Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks. 5 For we know it is made acceptable by the word of God and prayer."
1 Timothy 4:1–5

"The Scripture passage above reveals the real problem: indulgence of the flesh! It makes perfect sense if you think about it: what is it that makes me want to eat the entire gallon of ice cream? What makes me crave a late-night snack that turns into an all-you-can-eat buffet? The answer is that I want to indulge my flesh. My flesh cries out to be gratified and, lacking self-control, I indulge it. That is the problem—not food in itself. This realization requires us to re-evaluate our struggle and our goals. If our condition is a result of indulging the flesh, it's useless to change the types of foods with which we indulge the flesh. If I forsake eating breads and only indulge with meat, what have I profited? My heart and lifestyle have not changed; even if I lose weight for a time, it will certainly come back until I identify the real problem: that I have a habit of indulging my flesh." -SCF

I am still processing this lesson, but it really opened my eyes. I think a lot of people struggle with food addiction but not many people come forward and just say it. And this isn't only just for people who are overweight, but people who are always dieting and so concerned about their weight and what they eat too. I liked how they ended the lesson (and please forgive me for all of the quoted stuff.)

"The Bible teaches that we are to receive all types of food with thanksgiving to God. The Scriptures specifically state that "nothing is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving." Food is not the problem! Try telling that to the diet gurus. So how do we lose and manage weight if we eat anything and everything? The answer is straightforward: eat in moderation. Eat in a disciplined manner. Eat with self control. Plan your intake of food. And importantly, be accountable to someone for the amount you eat. So which religion do you follow? The "taste not, touch not" religion, which requires you to follow man-made rules? These might have the appearance of wisdom (otherwise, how could millions be taken in by them?) but they do nothing to restrain indulgence of the flesh. Or are you instead learning to feed on Christ, eating all types of food in moderation and with thanksgiving?" -SCF

Day 6 - Two Kinds of Food

This lesson was more about physical food verses spiritual food. The importance of reading his word and spending time with him. Goding to God instead of going to food. Dealing with the issue at heart rather than using food as a temporary fix or comfort.

"Christ is real food for the soul, and to embrace and feed on Him produces
freedom from life-dominating, habitual sin." - SCF

Day 7 - Happy Are the Helpless

This lesson was more about being broken before Christ, realizing our dependence and need for him. I am very prideful and feel that I should be able to fix things on my own, but is showing me how much I need him and how much I am nothing without him, especially when dealing with sin struggles.

"God gives grace to the humble, not to the proud. The
humble—those who recognize their own impoverished condition—are given grace." SCF

Since this post is getting way longer than I intended, I guess I'll stop there, but I am really excited about this. I can go on and on about each lesson, but you can always go to the course to see more. Thanks for reading, if indeed anyone is reading ;)

Cheers!

Day 4 - Fasting

Today was quite interesting. The first 'fasting' day. I could only drink water. I began it last night after dinner and ended it today with a lite meal. To be honest, I lost focus of God for awhile. I was hungry, and irritable, and just overall annoyed with the world. Not to mention that yesterday I tried to eat meals broken up into smaller meals throughout the day so that I could eat right up to when I started the fast. I'm not sure that's what God wants. My motives were wrong. This morning my heart was wrong. I moped around the house and complained of how hungry I was and my thoughts on many things that annoyed me. It finally took my sister stopping me and telling me to go read the Bible, pray, and fill up on Jesus before I remembered that I was supposed to be doing that. Self-centered? Yeah. I wonder if Setting Captives Free has a course on getting rid of an addition to Self. Needless to say, I dragged my feet for another 10 minutes before I even bothered to try.

Then God caught a hold of me. I believe that's called 'conviction.'

At first I tried to read a few verses and call that enough. Nope. I didn't do the trick. I didn't feel better. Then I prayed for a minute to see if that would work. Ah, maybe a lil something...guilt?...but still not enough. Finally I decided to just read the beginning of today's lesson so I could feel like I tried, and then go watch TV to make the day pass faster. That's horrible, I know, but I wanted you to know the depth of my selfishness and laziness. Finally, as I started doing the lesson and studying God's word, I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. It was talking about fasting and what that really means; the wrong way (which I was doing) and the right way, according to scripture. It was then that I realized how far off track I had gotten. Praise God for his mercy and love! Seriously. Afterwards I went and spent more time with God through reading about his suffering and worshipping him through music. And he did make me feel better. Not that the stomach pains or light-headedness went away so much, but that my focus was taken off of myself.

When it was time to eat dinner, I got a little in a bowl. A piece of chicken, corn, and plain rice never tasted so good! I am thankful to God for using my sister to get me to look to him. I am thankful for his forgiveness. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit softening my heart and convicting me of my sin. I am so thankful for Jesus Christ suffering sooooooooooo much more so that I and others can be freed from our bondages, including overeating. Praise God. For real.

And pray for me.

The Lord's Table

So, it's a new year and I thought it would be cool to start a blog about my journey to health and losing weight, all the while drawing closer to God and giving him the glory. For those wondering, Elohim is a Hebrew word meaning 'God.' I'm doing this because I want to desire God more and learn to get rid of the poor habits that I have grown used to over the years. Diets don't work for me. I'm not very disciplined and also it doesn't fix the issues at heart. You lose some weight and then gain it all back and more! Diets are also self focused. Instead of giving the glory to God, we work hard to 'fix' ourselves on our own and take all of the credit for ourselves. We want to look good to impress someone, for an event, or even just to be healthier for our sakes, but it still selfish.

Two days ago I began a bible study called 'The Lord's Table' that is found on the Setting Captives Free website. It's not really a diet so much as it's a Bible study with a lifestyle change. The Lord's Table is a 60-day Christian Bible study that is for drawing us close to God as we seek to get rid of the sin of overeating/gluttony/food addiction. There are some challenges, especially with the optional eating plans that you can choose to do. At first I didn't really want to do one. It seemed to hard to tackle that while tackling the heart issue. But then I didn't want to half do this. Y'know. Give a half effort when God is trying to form me to be more like him. Plan 1 is the one I decided on and it pretty much goes with each day of the study. Half day means you eat half as much food as you normally would. Liquids day means you drink only liquids that day (water, juice, milk, broth). Normal day is self explanatory. And a Fast day is a day where you only drink water and focus on God. You can even start a fast day after the dinner of the normal day and then have a lite meal for dinner on the 'fast' day, thus making it 24 hours. He's an example below:

Plan 2 is where you listen to your body and eat only when you're hungry. I'm not doing this plan so I won't really go into it.

Anyway, the point is not to do the plans. They are optional and you don't have to do it if you don't want to. But the main point of the Bible study is growing you in your relationship with Christ and seeking fulfillment from him instead of turning to food. I confess. I am an emotional eater. And I am also and artist, so you do the math. I am up and down a lot and because of that I usually turn to food. I am currently on day 3 and things seem to be going well. It's not an easy thing to go through, especially when dealing with something that is an addiction. I confess that on the first day I was quite overwhelmed by the prospect of doing this study. It seemed that I would have to change, for real, and I guess my sinful flesh did not like this prospect. The cool thing is that God is guiding me through this and giving me the energy and desire to push forward. My mum and sis are also taking this course as well and so we are here for each other and to encourage one another. Thank goodness!

So, in the days to come, I will be sharing my thoughts about the study, what God's showing me, and any other random stuff on my mind. Enjoy!


Isaiah 55:2–3
"Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David."