Today's another fast day. It began great with worship and prayer to God. And then I started working on my lesson for the day and I felt really tired all of a sudden. Then I felt really hungry. Then I felt like a hopeless person who has selfish motives. Then I wanted to cry. Then I wanted to fight the spiritual warfare that was taking over me. Then I finished the lesson. It was about repentance and what that really is; Being heart broken over sin, and turning away from it to turn to God. Good lesson, but it took me quite a while to do. I like that it quoted someone today and he said: Man cannot repent when he chooses; repentance is a gift of God.' True repentance is something I struggle with, as I'm sure we all do. I often think that 'I' can choose to repent and make myself change. I'm learning that repentance isn't just feeling sorry for what I've done. It's feeling sorry AND turning away from it. This is my prayer, that I would trust God with every part of me and that he would help me to repent.
I'm still feeling a little drained and down now, like I've cried for hours, yet I didn't. The war inside is a frightening thing.
Lord be with me.
"Seek the Lord while you can find him.
Call on him now while he is near.
Let the wicked change their ways
and banish the very thought of doing
wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on
them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously." Isaiah
55:6–7
"Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash
your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between
God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be
sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom
instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in
honor." James 4:8–10
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